Member Standards

Code of Conduct

Every member agrees to these standards before attending. They are non-negotiable, actively enforced, and the foundation of the trust that makes this space possible.

Effective: 23 February 2026

1. Consent Is Everything

Consent must be explicit, enthusiastic, and ongoing. It can be withdrawn at any time, by anyone, without explanation or consequence. "Maybe" means no. Silence means no. Hesitation means pause and ask.

  • Ask before any physical contact, no matter how minor
  • Check in verbally throughout any interaction
  • Accept every "no" immediately, gracefully, and without follow-up pressure
  • Intoxication does not constitute capacity to consent

2. Absolute Discretion

What happens at our events stays at our events. This is the single most important promise members make to each other.

  • Never identify or discuss other members outside the society
  • Never share event details, locations, or descriptions with non-members
  • No photography, video, or audio recording of any kind at any time
  • No social media posts, check-ins, or indirect references to events or attendees
  • Phones must remain out of sight and on silent for the duration of every event

3. Respect Every Boundary

Everyone present has different comfort levels. Your role is to read the room, ask rather than assume, and honour the answer you receive.

  • Do not pressure, persuade, or negotiate after someone declines
  • Do not stare, follow, or hover around someone who has not engaged with you
  • Give space when it is needed — physical and social
  • Respect the boundaries set by hosts for specific rooms and areas

4. Sobriety and Self-Control

Alcohol may be available at some events. Intoxication is never an excuse and never a defence.

  • Arrive in a state fit to participate
  • Drink responsibly — hosts may cut off service at their discretion
  • No illicit substances on the premises at any time
  • If you are unable to conduct yourself with composure, you will be asked to leave

5. Communication Standards

How you speak matters as much as how you act. Language sets the tone of the room.

  • No derogatory, discriminatory, or degrading language — toward anyone, for any reason
  • No unsolicited commentary on anyone's body, appearance, or choices
  • Speak to people, not about them
  • If someone is uncomfortable with a topic, change it

6. Inclusivity

The society welcomes members of all gender identities, sexual orientations, ethnicities, body types, and backgrounds. Discrimination of any kind is grounds for immediate removal.

  • Use the name and pronouns people provide
  • Do not make assumptions about anyone's identity, preferences, or experience level
  • Treat every person with the same baseline dignity, regardless of whether you find them personally attractive

7. Host Authority

Hosts are the final authority at every event. Their role is to maintain the safety, comfort, and tone of the space.

  • Follow all host instructions immediately and without argument
  • Report any concerns directly to a host — they are always identifiable and always available
  • If a host asks you to leave, you leave. Discussion happens afterwards, if at all
  • Hosts may intervene in any situation, at any time, without prior warning

8. Reporting and Response

We take every report seriously. You will never be penalised for raising a concern in good faith.

  • During an event: Speak to any host immediately. They will act.
  • After an event: Contact us at thedarkcarver@gmail.com. Reports are reviewed within 48 hours.
  • Reports are handled confidentially. Your identity is protected throughout the process.
  • Retaliation against anyone who makes a report is itself a violation and will be treated accordingly.

9. Consequences

Violations are handled proportionally but without hesitation. The safety of the group always outweighs the comfort of the individual.

  • Minor infractions: Private conversation with a host, verbal warning, and documentation.
  • Serious violations: Immediate removal from the event. Temporary or permanent suspension of membership.
  • Consent violations: Immediate removal, permanent ban, and where appropriate, referral to authorities.
  • There are no second chances for consent violations.

10. Your Agreement

By attending any Secret Door Society event, you confirm that you have read, understood, and agree to abide by this Code of Conduct in full. This agreement is reaffirmed each time you attend.

If you are unsure about any standard listed here, ask before attending. We would rather answer a question than address a violation.

For questions or concerns, contact thedarkcarver@gmail.com.